A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations.
When the third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start th operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
From:
http://www.jokes2go.com/jokes/9160.html?19
Minggu, 30 September 2007
Just painting
Kamis, 20 September 2007
Not Stupid but Crazy
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something."
Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
from http://www.jokes2go.com/jokes/8174.html?19
A very interesting fact
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Sttt, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room.
from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med021.html
Conceiving a baby
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so
after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the
minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not
pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he
recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious
operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back
in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes
normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in
conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so
happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this
third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad,
but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy
for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard
operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather
than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to
your uterus."
from http://www.jokes2go.com/jokes/7871.html?19
Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
from http://www.jokes2go.com/jokes/5528.html?19
Doctor Terminology
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or--
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...
"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.
from:http://www.injokes.com/view.php?ItemID=35
Selasa, 18 September 2007
Big Boss Man
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any asshole will do.
from: http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=4941&cat_id=27
Doctor And Lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
from:http://www.injokes.com/view.php?ItemID=402
Help these people
A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med027.html
Second opinion
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.
Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med043.html
Problems remembering
Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient: What problem?
from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med041.html
I've got good and bad
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
Patient: That's terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?
Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
From:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med028.html
Senin, 17 September 2007
Fighting mood
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
Posted from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med045.html
Minggu, 16 September 2007
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
posted from:
http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=5941
soak :kb.merendam
tap :air keran
concoction:campuran
ALZHEIMER's DISEASE
Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease :
1. You never have to watch reruns on television.
2. You are always meeting new people.
3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
4. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
5. Mysteries are always interesting.
Edited n Posted from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med004.html
'spouse':istri/suami
'reruns':siaran ulang
'Alzheimer':Alzheimer's disease are characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration, together with declining activities of daily living and by neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes
What should I do then?
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points
Doctor: Sell!
Posted from:
http://www.ahajokes.com/med003.html
Kamis, 06 September 2007
Cut teen smoking
Pack ban call to cut teen smoking
Stubbed out cigarette
The BMA wants to make it harder for teenagers to start smoking
Doctors have called for 10-packs of cigarettes and tobacco vending machines to be banned to tackle teenage smoking.
The British Medical Association's Scottish Council said the measures were needed to make tobacco harder for young people to buy.
The plan also includes introducing a licensing scheme for shops selling tobacco similar to that already in place for alcohol retailers.
Figures released last year showed that 15% of 15-year-olds smoke regularly.
The BMA said that most smokers begin in adolescence, with evidence suggesting that the younger someone starts smoking, the less likely they are to give up.
Young people often buy cigarettes from vending machines because of the lack of age checks or they buy packs of 10 because they are cheaper
Dr Gavin Buist
BMA Scotland
The association believes that smaller 10-packs of cigarettes are more appealing to young people because they are cheaper to buy.
It said vending machines were often used by young people to buy cigarettes because there are no age checks in place.
The BMA proposals also include a ban on cigarettes being displayed at the point of sale in shops, and for long-term investment in preventing teenagers taking up smoking, and helping those already smoking to quit.
The Scottish Government is to raise the legal age for buying tobacco from 16 to 18 next month.
Dr Andrew Buist, a member of the BMA's Scottish Council, said further measures needed to be introduced for the age increase to be successful in cutting the number of young people taking up smoking.
'Sales enforcement'
He said: "The age increase is only one step in reducing young people's access to tobacco. We must do all we can to stop youngsters getting hooked in the first place.
"Young people often buy cigarettes from vending machines because of the lack of age checks or they buy packs of 10 because they are cheaper.
"Addressing these two issues would significantly reduce the availability of cigarettes to young people."
Dr Buist said evidence suggested that the existing age limit for tobacco sales was not always properly enforced by retailers, which raised questions as to how effectively the age increase would be policed.
He added: "Only through a multi-faceted range of measures will we be able to tackle the biggest preventable cause of death in Scotland."
Welcoming the proposals, a spokeswoman for anti-smoking group Ash Scotland said: "It can't just be education - you have to cut off the supply.
"You have also got to make sure there are services available to young smokers to help them stop smoking as soon as possible."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/6982450.stm
Indonesia dismisses human transmission on bird flu
JAKARTA, Sept. 3 (Xinhua) -- Indonesia confirmed that there has been no human-to-human transmission of avian influenza virus in the country, Health Minister Siti Fadilah Syupari said here Monday.
The minister told a press conference that thousands people had been killed should the transmission occurred already in Indonesia.
" There is no human-to-human transmission in Indonesia," she said.
"There has been no virologist report, and it is still zero epidemiologist," said Fadilah at a office here.
She said that the conclusion of the experts from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle, Washington last week could not be used to say that human-to-human transmission had already happened in Indonesia, as the expert only make their calculation mathematically.
The expert found a statistical confirmation that H5N1 virus spread from human-to-human between a small number of people within a family in North Sumatra, Indonesia, where eight people died in April last year.
"That is only a statistical test," said the minister.
In North Sumatra, the cluster contained a chain of infection that involved a ten-year-old boy who probably caught the virus from his 37-year-old aunt, who had been exposed to dead poultry and chicken feces.
The minister said that Indonesian authorities already declared the cluster in North Sumatra as limited human-to-human.
"For example, the father, who has two children, he died. Why was the mother not infected by her child, why only the father was infected?. This still become a big question until now," said Fadilah.
Experts fear that the highly pathogenic H5N1 virus could mutate in a certain level that can make them transmittable among humans that can cause a pandemic where million people can be killed.
The viruses have killed globally 195 out of 322 infected people, most of them in Indonesia with 84 fatalities and 105 cases.
It is rare that the virus was transmitted by human, most of them are passed by birds.
Cluster was rarely happen. Experts worry of the possibility that the H5N1 virus is transmitted by human.
As the number of victims of the virus keeps slowly rising in the country, the health authorities have decided to use the country's own anti-bird flu vaccine after September to stop the virus spread on human, despite the World Health Organization suggestion to stock pile the vaccines.
Huge territory, traditional way of rising chickens on back yardand lack of obedience of provincial administration in implementing the Jakarta decision to stop the virus spread, are among the obstacles in fighting the bird flu in the country.
Posted from www.chinaview.cn 2007-09-03 19:37:16
Inhaled Fumes From Microwave Popcorn
Ailing man inhaled fumes from microwave popcorn, U.S. medical officials say
(AP) — Microwave popcorn fans worried about the potential for lung disease from butter flavouring fumes should know this: The sole reported case of the disease in a non-factory worker involves a man who popped the corn every day and inhaled from the bag.
"He really liked microwave popcorn. He made two or three bags every day for 10 years," said William Allstetter, a spokesman for National Jewish Medical and Research Center in Denver where the man's respiratory illness was diagnosed.
"He told us he liked the smell of popcorn, so he would open and inhale from freshly popped bags," Allstetter said. And the patient said he did this for a decade.
The patient, Wayne Watson, 53, of Centennial, Colo., has been treated since February at the National, Jewish Hospital. Dr. Cecile Rose, a lung specialist at the hospital, said in an interview Wednesday that until Watson's condition was diagnosed, it had deteriorated, despite a CAT scan, steroid treatment and a biopsy.
Finally, Rose said, "I turned to the patient and said, 'This is a very weird question ... but have you been around a lot of popcorn?' And his jaw dropped and he said, 'How could you know that about me? Popcorn is my exclusive snack food preference. I am popcorn. I'm at least a two-pack a day user.'
"I was really surprised and relieved," Rose said.
There are no warnings from federal regulators, nor is there medical advice on how consumers should treat news of the rare, life-threatening disease, bronchiolitis obliterans, also known as popcorn lung.
The popcorn flavouring contains the chemical diacetyl, which has been linked to lung damage in workers inhaling its fumes in food manufacturing plants. The chemical is a naturally occurring compound that gives butter its flavour and is also found in cheese and even wine, according to the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health.
It's been approved by the Food and Drug Administration as a flavour ingredient, but hundreds of workers have sued flavouring makers in recent years for lung damage.
Dr. David Weissman, head of NIOSH's division of respiratory diseases, said the key difference between homes and the factories where popcorn lung has been found is in the level of exposure to diacetyl. For example, he said, sickened quality control workers at a Jasper, Mo., popcorn factory popped hundreds of bags a day in their testing, not just one or two.
The first apparent case of lung damage from a home popcorn maker came to light Tuesday in a recent letter to federal regulators from Rose.
In the interview, Rose said that no definite link has been established between Watson's heavy popcorn consumption and his lung disease, but that "the possibility raises public health concerns."
Doctors tested Watson's home for levels of diacetyl fumes and found that while popcorn was microwaved in the kitchen, peak levels of the fumes were similar to those measured in factories, she said.
While Rose said she still lets her kids microwave popcorn at home, she is concerned that the high levels of fumes measured at Watson's home could be present anytime consumers microwave popcorn, and that these high levels - and not just the cumulative effect of exposures in the factory - could be a factor in causing the disease.
"We don't know yet. We think it's a possibility," said Rose, who recommended the popcorn bags be tested further.
On Wednesday, the country's largest microwave popcorn maker, ConAgra, said it would stop using diacetyl within a year out of concern for its workers - not because of risks to consumers. ConAgra makes Act II and Orville Redenbacher brands.
The Flavor and Extract Manufacturers Association said that Rose's finding does not suggest a risk from eating microwave popcorn.
Hosted by Google
Copyright © 2007 The Canadian Press. All rights reserved.
